Dearest Bette,

I have an elderly neighbor, Miss Eva, whom I help out occasionally, buying groceries (or delivering them), finding phone numbers, other "car needed errands," and sometimes just dropping by. I feel that it is our duty as "youngsters" to help those around us that need help, which of course, is especially important for our elderly population. So, although my thoughts are not in direct link to those who are elderly, Miss Eva is definitely one of my issue examples. Miss Eva is an impossible conversationalist! She does not stop talking and has no boundaries to ascertain if it is an appropriate time for a long conversation. But, it is not just her!

I have trouble moving through an unsolicited conversation. I am stopped in the hallway, kept on the phone, and completely interrupted such that the current activity ceases to exist and the entering person, the conversation starter, gets the stage. For there, they go on and on and on! So, often in the morning as I walk to the car, Miss Eva will stop me to ask for help or to just chat. She actually waits for me at the neighbor's porch! What she doesn't seem to consider is that I am leaving for work and don't have 20 minutes to talk! When I stop by her house, I can't stay for 2 hours. It makes me avoid her all together (drive the car to the back so she can't tell if I am at home or gone) and not going over as often. But, while this situation sounds confined, it isn't. This same thing is true when I am at work. I have a hard time getting out of conversations that are time traps. It is true when I am on the phone and a conversation is dragging and time intensive, but I can't take that much time! Yet the other person continues to yap! I know that the common factor in each conversation is me, but I struggle so! I can stand through the talk and not say a damn thing and somehow it can continue. I notice myself avoiding eye contact when I am busy, but still it is difficult and not helping, for the most part. Today at work, I totaled 1 hour of lost working time! I actually tallied it!

I imagine in show business there are never-ending experiences in which you are stuck talking to someone that you don't really want to be talking to or someone who beseeches you as you are moving through your life on another errand. So, my question is, how do you move through a conversation such that the person you are talking to feels acknowledged, but the conversation is efficient and appropriate for the time you have? How do you pay homage, be seen as nice and kind, and yet end a conversation? Help!