Dearest Bette,

I have spent about 34 years thinking that the Earth did things to me or that I deserved all the ill will that came my way. When something happened, it happened TO ME. For example, when I was not offered a job at CUNY, the world did it to me, the world chose for me not to have the job, to lose the opportunity to move to New York. It was the world's fault. The other way I handled things was to say that it was completely my fault, I deserved to not be chosen. When I didnt get a parking spot, the world didnt want me to and I am being punished. Now, don't ask me what I am being punished for. I don't know. I am a good, ethical, generous, and kind person. I work with children and adults and I save animals. I work hard everyday and give my best. I am thoughtful and nice. So, why do I deserve bad things? I dont know. I just do. I have been thinking a lot on this lately, and have come to believe that I must feel like I am not good enough to deserve good things, positive happenings in my life. How can that be? How can it be that I am not good enough? I work everyday, help old people, teach children, re-home animals, give money and time. I am nice and smart. I have a PhD dammit! It doesnt make sense!

So, why do I feel so inferior when logically I know I am a good person, a capable, warm person? Bette, I have seen your career fall, and seen you step away for awhile. Ive also seen it soar and success after success abound. I know you have had precious people die, and others show you how to live. You have had ups and downs just like me, and you, Bette, have exited victorious. Yet, I know you worked to get to a place in which your own locus of control was more powerful than those voices out in the world. So, how did you get there? How do you move to notice and admire the things about yourself that make you deserving, capable, confident, and most importantly, happy? How do you silence the world as well as that pessimistic, liar of an inner self that summons you sometimes?